kanashimi no tenshi: just let me cry...

My tears are not free. Every drop amounts to a piece of your heart. So when I cry you a river, prepare to give me you heart. and I'll welcome it with a kiss. (012407)

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


i've just gotten the result in the pulmonary function test i had in St. Lukes. it said i have no obstructive lung defect, although my lungs cannot normally expand due PROBABLY to a restrictive lung defect. according to my sister who's attending medical school, restrictive lung defect could mean that there's water or mass in my pleura. oooh. whatever. i'm going back to the doctor this afternoon for it.

i'm looking for mp3s of kitchie nadal songs (run and same ground) in the web. nga pala, when my father saw kitchie's billboard somewhere, he said i look like her. he also saw her video for Same Ground and said the same thing. then he made a closer look on the tube and said i look better. lol. of course a father wouldn't tell her daughter she's uglier than the "kahawig".

anyway, i'm also looking for Hale songs: Broken sonnet and The day you said goodbye. The vocalist, Champ (yata), looks kinda cute. :D

the other night, adeth and I had a fight. it's a very serious one and it's not just about something petty. it was about a 2-year lie about things. i thought we wouldn't get back together again because somehow, she lost a few level of my trust. but i'm working on how to make that trust full again. maybe, hopefully, things will work out now. and hopefully, she wouldn't lie about herself anymore. i know she's not that kind of person. i know she had reasons why she did those things.

Friday, May 27, 2005

labor day

am blogging a lot earlier today. my cousins and i will go swimming tonight at the Club Manila East in Taytay while my father will play golf somewhere near. i can't believe i will not be able to watch Meteor Garden this afternoon. waah!

last night i watched this film on the pains of labor and birth by a mother on Discovery channel. the first mother had a normal birth while the other had ceasarian (sp?) and christ. it made me feel like i don't want to be a mother soon. then again, when the baby was born and i saw how its father cried tears of joy, it made me feel like...i want to have a baby whose father'll cry the same way..

are there other ways where the mom can give birth without the pain? i mean, i'm sure the syringe on the mom's spinal column is very painful, plus the labor, and her V has to give way for the ::big:: head of the child... that's like slow death. die to be reborn again.

(when my cousin, Ate Armin, gave birth to Sean, her first child, she told me that she would never give birth again cos it was extremely painful. the next year, that same cousin of mine had her second child, Zac. XD)

oh well... my mother told me she didn't feel that much pain when she gave birth to me because i was very small like a kitten. my parents said i could fit in a shoe box. >_>

Thursday, May 26, 2005


we got a new dog. his name's Diego. he's a 2-month old German Shepherd that my father bought for more than 10 thou. pretty stupid, if you ask me. i wanted to name him Mizu and adeth wanted Steve. (why steve? o.o) Diego's a nice name though.

anyway, this morning, i made this short story. it's in a two-way character perspective so it's possible that not many can understand it right away. how about if you read it? (".)


Wednesday, May 25, 2005


obviously, i changed the blog's skin again. for some unknown (to me) reason, the image in the previous skin didn't come out okay so i decided to look for another nice, sad skin. this one's designed by cherry and i got it from blogskins.com. i find it very peaceful.

here are some pics my seatmate, Daisy, sent me this afternoon. they were taken last April at Tristan's house. Tristan's (one with black circle) the bday boy. :)

the first pic's me with adeth and the next one's us: (starting from right) Daisy, Jen, Tristan, Adeth and Me.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

sa wakas may bago...

sa aking paglalakad sa anino ng nakaraan
saka ko pa lamang nalalaman na
mayroon palang bagay sa iyo na hindi ko
magugustuhan kahit kailan.
nagkamali ako nang isipin kong mamahalin ka ng buong buo
na walang hahadlang, na walang alinlangan

dahil nalaman kong hindi pala lahat
ng bagay ay may dahilan.
nang ika'y mahalin, saka pa lamang nalaman
na ang pagmamahal pala'y
hindi hinahanapan ng bakit.
ng paano.
ng hanggang kailan.

Noong biyernes, nalaman kong buhay pa
ang aking panghihinayang. pero noong araw ding yaon
namatay ito, at nabuhay ang pagsisisi

dahil naghintay pa sa iyo.
at sa pagmamahal mong hindi pala darating.
dahil ito'y ikinulong na ng isang mahikang
babalot sa iyong pagkatao.

ang isang pagkakataong hindi ipagkakaloob
ay mariing inililimot sa ilalalim ng
mapait na alaala, isang sugat na nahihirapang maghilom
isang sugat na naghihinapangang matuyo

ngunit kapag tinuklap ay sariwang sariwa
na parang isdang bagong huli
sa dagat na puno ng dumi
ng binasurang pag-ibig.

Monday, May 23, 2005


What kind of killer are you? (quizilla)

You are an assassin. That means you are a professional and you do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. At least, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend not to get noticed, and dressed in black or other discreet colours. You don't like being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

/edit: (May 25, 2005)
if you're an anime what would you look like? (quizilla)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

You are the depressed/dreamer anime girl.You either lost somebody you love or somebody broke you heart so bad that you can't pick up the shattered pieces without hurting yourself.You think nobody can heal your wounds but don't stop looking because you never know who loves you enough to try hell the one special guy could be right infront of your eyes and you don't even know it.You also love to day dream because it seems like the only place that makes you happy.But little do you know that people all around you are trying to make you happy and you won't let them in fearing you'll get another heartbreak or get hurt worse.But just try and if things go wrong just brush it off and try again.It never hurts to try.One more thing never let that lost love one leave you heart keep them in forever and keep their memory alive.

Friday, May 20, 2005


look at me. now.
can you see the real emotion?

despite these tears in my cheeks, its dry marks, can you see that i am happy?

tonight, i know i am happy.

because i saw you.

new layout

hm... seems like people are too busy to go online (& check my new skin). harhar..anyway, lemme introduce el new skin: got this from blogskins, of course. isn't it beautiful?
it isn't exactly sad unlike the previous one, gothic sadness of babysuf, but it's beautiful enough. :) something happened with gothic sadness' image host. bandwidth exceeded. call me dumb but i really don't what that is.
i have a new addiction. enough of full house already, i'm talking about METEOR GARDEN. i know i know... i'm years late. i really didn't get to watch MG before.. reason for that is caused by my stupidity. i saw its commercial before but i forgot which channel i'd seen it and what time. that explains why i wasn't able to watch the damned asianovela.

but i knew F4 then. and san chai, and the other characters. :D
i miss going to school. i miss seeing kuya art, tristan, abby, liz and hearing their jokes. i miss hanging out with ria hazel, mela and ee-chan. i miss seeing kuya jhobz, ned, jessa, jo, charsa... i wonder what the next school year would be like. i'm sure we'll all be busy.. but after that, after we graduate, will i see them again? what's worse.. after we graduate, what next?
many would agree to the phrase, "Love yourself and be happy for what you are." but why do we seek for betterment?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


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Rain/Bi/Jung Ji Hoon

gothic sadness

this one's from babysuf, saw this in blogskins.com. it's plain but it has lotsa pics. nice pics. 'ope you like it.
adeth went to visit this morning. she just got home. ehehe

i had a nice time with her, we ate molo soup for merienda and we also went to the public market hoping to buy kanduli (whatever english it's called. it's a katagalugan fish.).. and we did. the only problem was, my lola wanted me to buy 2 big kanduli's but i bought 10 tiny ones. i'm such a dope.

the funny part came in when adeth and i heard a vendor calling people who were interested in buying her kanduli's. so we spun around and saw a big fish and almost jumped for joy because we found the kanduli. (i had a very vague idea what the fish looked like.) i became giddy when i told adeth that "eto nga! eto nga!" and she became giddy too.

suddenly, the vendor said, "dalag yan." she pointed to the tiny fishes beside it and said, "eto ang kanduli." the vendor said these without a twinge of emotion and that made me hysterical.

babaw ko bah? lol
love you pei!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

you make me wanna... lala

today is Mothers' day!! Happy mothers' day to all moms out there~! :D
May 6, 2005: belated happy hanson day. (i forgot. i only realized it last night. lol
last night, i was reading letters from adeth while waiting for her family to finish praying (we sometimes sleep at the same time even we're not together. we try to wait for each other.) and i came across a few quotable quotes - all about paolo:

+ Ano ba talaga kami sa buhay mo? Alam kong mahal mo'ko, nararamdaman ko, pero pag nandyan na si Paolo, ndi ko na alam. - Aug 15, 2003

+ Alam mo ba...
na ang tagal ko ng gustong sana walang Paolo sa mundo.
na sabi ni Christian nakikita n'ya si Paolo sa'yo.
na bagay kayo pero ayokong isuko ka sa kanya.

+ Baka kasi bawiin ka o sabihin n'ya na pinulot ko lang yung itinapon n'ya. - Dec 05, 2003

sweet yet sad.
i saw "The Ex" this morning at church. he looks okay. he's still handsome, still white complexioned. he's still very attractive according to my cousin who's 4 years younger than me. he told me that i'm prettier now ("not that you weren't beautiful then," he said.) ...i smiled. then took off.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

too much

Lee Young-Jae: (to Han Ji-eun) "You idiot. You still shouldn't have told me you liked me. Now, I really can't live with you any longer."
i think i've watched full house too much. everytime i get to that part when Ji-eun asked for a divorce and admitted that she already liked Young-Jae, i cry buckets of tears. if the scene was just sad, i'd probably just let a tear or two fall down..but no. i cry a lot every time i see that part. i sob. probably because it was the most significant scene for me. when a girl tells a guy that she likes her.

maybe because i know how it feels to be rejected.
i'm suffering from mood swings. it's very different this time. i laugh a lot during the morning, get totally hyper, then at late afternoon-night, i feel really bad that i want to cry so hard. i suddenly think of terrible things, awful things that make me cry a lot. (that's without watching sad movies.) then i get extremely irritated to even the most little things. like this ant crawling beside the mouse. nyaaarghhhh!!! i get irritated even to adeth. what's happening to me?? crap. crap. crap.
i realized, i wanted to go to the Animax convention held yesterday when Kuya Jhobz invited me to come with him.. kaya lang.. something's (..someone?) keeping me not to go.
Kang Hye-Won: "Young-Jae, I want to go to you. Will you take me?"

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

update~! at last!

26th monthsary..

i'm soooo sorry for not updating this blog for such a long time!! i guess i was not in the mood, or i was too busy thinking of something else, or too busy doing the OJT. XD

good news first:
i'm done with my OJT and i had about 10 published articles. it was a joy seeing my name on a nationwide broadsheet. i don't know if i'm going to miss everyone in the press room (Sir Priam of Malaya, Ma'am Tina of PDI, Ma'am Eve of Phil. Star, Sir Jun, Sir Jonathan, Sir Joel...and Jap, the cute guy I had my training with. >_<) but i surely wouldn't miss going rounds in WPD and/or NBI and calling to WPD stations because some of the police there were so... annoying. I know I wouldn't miss Wycoco or Bulaong or Atienza too. so i'm done going to Manila, that means i have more time for myself/more time for doing house chores. argh

bad news: i don't know if i'd be seeing adeth again until June 7, enrollment. it'll be sad without her..

i was sooo mad at adeth this afternoon that i didn't care if people at Jollibee would stare at me/us if i threw the bottle of mineral water at her. i didn't throw the bottle at her exactly cos..it missed. ehehe ..long story. i just don't like it when people are too proud to give in and admit they made a mistake.

thinking aloud:
are first loves really difficult to forget? ask ron aldrin a.k.a "The Ex".. he was asking me for a movie date (supposedly for tomorrow) and of course i declined. it's just that.. he's making me feel like i 'm making him suffer.

i wonder if syaoran felt this way about me.. lol.