gloom

there are things that i have been trying to forget but it was never easy. it is too difficult that it's been years and i still haven't forgotten them.

and whenever these things come to my mind, a cascade of sadness comes to me.. and i drown every time.

my friends have always told me to leave them in the past, because that's where they belong. and sometimes i wish that i could just live there, with them, so i wouldn't feel like this.

like now, when all i can do is smile as if i mean it.

(text message i sent to eka-san:
the worst thing about having memories is to realize over and over that they can never happen again.
and the worst of all memories are those shared with the person who caused the deepest damage to your heart.)

==
Besty karl told me he wrote a song with my name on it. aww.