paranoia.

i deleted the most recent entry about some girl. it was a faux pas. i decided never to interfere, never to say anything about anyone, never to make a comment about whatever. i decided to keep quiet, feel nothing, be indifferent.

i'm trying to regain the trust i might have never had from the beginning. you see, i was brought up in an environment where people never liked me. Back in gradeschool, people always left me behind because i was like this and like that. In highschool, people usually didn't want to be seen talking to me because i was considered a loser, coming from an entirely different environment than those coming from exclusive subdivisions... But those people, they were all nice to me... then they'd lose their masks and show their skin as soon as i turned my back.

so you see, i have always been paranoid. i might be having the wrong impression on people but that's how i see the world. so if i say anything wrong, if i believe in something that's wrong or false or if i believe in an illusion and i revolve my world around it, then maybe you have to do something else than just telling me your truth. because it's very hard for me to believe in things that seemed false.

so there, i apologize cos it was me who was wrong from the beginning. and i apologize for not believing in you. i apologize for many things, but probably it's better that i'd rather stay quiet and be indifferent.