sleeping in despair

*jam and her other self, nyaha, were talking:

jam: if you were sleeping beauty who was dreaming of paradise, would you want your prince to kiss you and wake you up?

nyaha: of course.

jam: why?

nyaha: because my dreams can come true when i am awake.

jam: what if they don't?

nyaha: then it is only a nightmare and my prince would have to wake me up again.

jam: what if your prince gets tired of waking you up everytime your paradise don't come true?

nyaha: then he is not the prince for me.

jam: and who is the prince for you? someone who would still wake you up even if he had gotten tired of doing so?

nyaha: yes.

jam: is that not slavery?

nyaha: no. because he's going to do it with love.

jam: love you said, what is this love anyway?

nyaha: ...i don't know.

**long silence**

jam: so ...would you rather continue dreaming paradise or stay awake and risk?

nyaha: *sigh* i don't know..

===
jam: would you rather miss somebody and get hurt or not miss somebody and feel nothing?

nyaha: well, i am always hurting, am i not? so i guess i'd rather choose not to miss somebody. then it could make a difference.

nyaha: how about you?

jam: i guess i'll choose to miss somebody and get hurt.

nyaha: why?

jam: cos when i hurt, it means i love.

nyaha: so this love... it means pain?

jam: i guess so...

nyaha: and you still want it?

jam: yes.

nyaha: why?

jam: because it means that i am human.

nyaha: if being human means i have to get hurt, then i don't want to be human.

jam: at least you have a choice.